Welcome to The 2011 Eurovision live blog
Posted by Caroline on May 14, 2011
Hello everybody. There’s only ten minutes to go until the start of this year’s Eurovision final and as always we will be liveblogging it as only we know how…..
1951 Nine minutes to go and we are watching The National Lottery. So what’s on in your country right before the contest? (we haven’t won a penny btw. Boo)
2000 We are officially UNDERWAY. Graham Norton has just informed us there are 25,000 people inside the Esprit Arena in Dusseldorf. On that basis the UK will clearly have to have it at the O2 following our inevitable victory this year. Or we are possibly just jumping the gun a tad.
2001 We fondly remember Stefan Raab, he of the light-up jacket in 2000. He isn’t going to sing is he? We can but hope such a thing does not happen.
2003 Anke and Stefan are singing Satellite. The words ‘somebody make it stop’ are honing perilously into view.
2005 Actually we quite like this rockabilly version of Satellite. It reminds us a bit of Roger Cicero’s ill-fated Women Ruled The World. Let’s not even go there….
2006 We are beginning to get a growing sense that they have forgotten about the contest and are just going to turn this into one big jamming session. No, wait up….there’s Lena! Shouldn’t she be practising for later?
2007 Hmmmmmm Germany are really enjoying this aren’t they? They’d better. It could be another 28 years before they get to host it again….
2009 And now they are showing us how they turned the Esprit Arena from a football pitch to a stadium. No offence but could they just get ON with it already? This is in serious danger even at such an early hour of turning into Munich 1983. And none of us want that….
2014 Finally, we are underway! Paradise Oskar has the enviable task of starting things off this evening (this means he won’t win of course). Is he this year’s Tom Dice? Of course he is. Bless.
2018 How much do we love Dino Merlin? We can’t even begin to tell you. if he wasn’t saddled with the kiss of death number two spot we would almost have him down as a winner. As it is he’s even better than he was on Thursday. Presumably he’s off to put his feet up now…..
2022 Denmark is officially the best yet. To be honest they don’t have a lot of competition so far but HOW good is this? Seriously…..
2027 Evelina Sasenko from Lithuania is singing C’Est Ma Vie with all the conviction of someone who knows she doesn’t have a cat’s chance in hell of actually winning this thing. File under ‘actually I’m just happy to be in the final and I’m as damn well surprised about it as you are’.
2031 We’ve said it once and we will say it again – Hungary’s song IS Taylor Dayne redux (if you are too young to remember her look it up). And we all know who is coming next don’t we?
2035 Wait a minute…..is that Jedward giving a ‘polished’ performance??????? It just might be.
2036 WINNER. Maybe….
2040 Against our better judgment, we are loving Sweden’s Eric Saade although dismayed to note he has yet to locate his other glove. Mind you that was a belter of a performance, considerably better than we were expecting. Has he taken the shine off of Jedward?
2042 OK. We love Getter Jaani but someone needs to tell us what the London Eye is doing in a song about New York. We are guessing nobody will however…..
2044 Don’t forget you can join us Tweeting at TVonVM……
2047 We didn’t like Greece, we liked it again, now we’re not so sure again. Help us.
2048 Sorry but Stereo Mike is still the silliest name we have ever heard for a DJ. But it’s OK because the rather lovely Alex from Russia is coming up which means that your editorial team may have to go and lick the TV…..
2051 ‘Do you feel my heart beat Europe?’ Er, no….
2052 Stefan Raab had a fabulous light up jacket in 2000. Alex Sparrow’s just looks like he has glued a piece of paper to the back of his jacket. Not good….
2057 Amaury Vassili is the first of the Big Five to take to the stage. He can certainly sing but he looks as nervous as hell. And he needs un hairbrush. Let’s move on…..
2100 Italy. We don’t acgtually want to say anything else about that.
2104 We’re in the green room with Dino Merlin. Just get on with it already….
2106 Another nice performance from Anna Rossinelli who once again should be just happy to be in the final. But we all know who is next……
2107 It’s TIME!!!!!!!
2109 We’re not sure we’re liking those suits if we’re being honest. But in all other respects………crikey.
2110 Well that was one of the best things we’ve seen all night. Could we possibly even begin to believe that we might actually win it??????
2112 And from the sublime to, er….all right we admit we don’t understand the Moldovan performance. Still if it’s your only opportunity to see a unicycling fairy all year then we suggest you take it…..
2114 Alert! Alert! It is time for the host nation…..
2117 And very good she is too. But let’s be honest it does sound like Love Cats by The Cure.
2121 Romanian Dave is enjoying himself enormously. Shame the rest of us aren’t.
2124 Now this performance from Austria is seriously classy. Why did we not see this song coming? Could this be the one to take top honours? We wouldn’t rule it out…..
2129 We’re getting used to seeing professional turns from Azerbaijan now and this is no exception. Clearly they want this badly. We remain concerned however that the special effects people could have an eye out with that fake rain….
2130 We never thought we would ever find ourselves saying this in the history of the world but the forthcoming Slovenian song is also a contender. I mean we are talking SLOVENIA here. Seriously…..
2137 Ah, Iceland. We don’t want to be horrible about them at all given the backstory. But it is nice to see that Robson and Jerome have found gainful employment since the hits dried up…..
2142 The surprise packages just keep on coming? Who’d have thought Spain would turn in such a great performance? With that fabulous draw as well we could be looking at another top ten finish…..
2146 Ukraine is much as it was on Thursday night. But the sand artist is just showing off now. yawn (reaches for remote control to put on Britain’s Got More Talent, comes to senses just in time……)
2149 We’ve said it once, we will say it again – Nina from Serbia is adorable. But we still maintain she bought her tights in Primark.
2154 How can it be the last song of the night already? It has only been on for two minutes, surely. Once again the whole thing has been a blur and we have forgotten it. But based on what we have seen tonight we have NO IDEA who is going to win. No, seriously. UK were great, Ireland bonkers, France strangely disappointing. Georgia’s singer is still wearing a lampshade. Confusion is setting in.
2214 It is time for the interval act and we NEED to eat. Back for the voting……
2218 Germany have hired a wedding band for the interval entertainment. Well it’s original…..
2224 ‘I hope they don’t say Blue – None’ says Graham Norton. Why oh WHY did we not think of that one??????? Drat!
2225 They are just showing off now……
2228 Yikes and then some It is Dima Bilan. And four points for the UK already!
2229 The first 12 of the night goes to Azerbaijan……
2230 12 for the UK! SHRIEK!!!!!!!!!!!!
2231 12 to Denmark now. It is going to be a close one isn’t it?
2232 and 10 points to the UK from Italy! Hurrah! We are IN THE LEAD. Official…..
2234 We are not first anymore. Damn you Cyprus and your neighbourly voting……
2235 12 points to Georgia from Ukraine?????? The world has gone mad……
2236 Norway don’t look a bit cross at being booted out in the semi final. And they have only given us one point. Gits.
2237 Are we surprised they gave the 12 to Finland? Not a bit of it……
2239 Ukraine winning now. This is going to go down to the wire……
2240 And now Sweden in the lead. Told you they would be popular……
2241 First points of the night for Switzerland, from Slovakia. No nul points this year then…..
2242 It is the UK voting. Wonder who is getting the 12?????? Austria, Bosnia, someone explain that?
2246 Lithuania’s 12 from Poland got the most muted reaction of the night. Sweden still in the lead. We can believe that……
2252 Oh do stop singing, man from Slovenia. Another 12 for Bosnia and Herzegovina though, yay!
2257 Could Bosnia and Herzegovina become the first number two act to actually win?? Could happen. We don’t know what will happen any more. We want a lie down…..
2306 Are we going to Baku next year? Or, er, Italy perhaps?
2311 This is seriously exciting voting. The UK and Ireland certainly haven’t disgraced themselves but we sense Azerbaijan may have it in the bag. Cue lots of disgruntled complaints about how it is biased towards the East. Bollocks it is. They had a good song. End of.
2315 Italy are now the only country who could topple Azerbaijan. We always said we liked that track. Seriously. Ha ha.
2318 And it’s official. Azerbaijan have WON. We saw that coming. Yes, really, we did…..
2324 So what would happen if, just once, someone dropped that trophy????? And how will Eurovision handle the inevitable time difference? Will the contest be in the middle of the night? Or will we have to watch it in the afternoon? Will they have it in Baku or, er, Baku? No doubt these questions will be answered in the months to come. As for us, we are off to analyse the scoreboard. And have a bit of a lie down for the next six months……