Just get on with it already…..!

So it’s almost February, all around Europe countries are clamouring to get their Eurovision efforts together and yet here in the UK, we have yet to hear anything whatsoever about who might actually be representing us come May. What gives, exactly? Granted, they left it till quite late in the day last year to reveal that Blue would be flying our much beleaguered Eurovision flag in Dusseldorf (and very well they did too), but given the renewed interest in the contest as a result why all the silence this year? Frankly we’re getting bored of waiting.

What we do know is that after the success of choosing a song and artist internally last year the BBC plans to do the same again this year (and before you all start grousing about it again, let us remind you it is because you cannot be trusted. And until you, Mr and Mrs Public, realise that this is a ‘proper’ singing contest and stop voting for the likes of Scooch as though it were 1984 and everybody is in silly costumes playing the flugelhorn, then you will most likely continue to not be trusted). And as such there have been all manner of rumours floating around the social media networks who the lucky representative might be. So while we wait, and wait, and wait, and wait, let’s take a look at some of those names who have been mentioned in the Twittersphere, and elsewhere, and offer our own thoughts on why they might be a good, or not such a good, idea:

JOE MCELDERRY/STACEY SOLOMON

For them: Rumour has it that these two have been snapped up to perform a duet in Baku. Given their obvious cuteness and singing ability (we’re prepared to overlook Driving Home For Christmas, Stace), and the popularity of male/female duets in recent years, we suppose it could work.

Against them: Does anybody in Europe actually know who they are? A former X Factor flop turned Operastar and the ‘loveable’ Essex girl who might have a fun personality but who hasn’t exactly released many records? That said, we reckon the chances of this happening are pretty remote, since we seem to recall Stacey is due to give birth some time in May. So she might be a little busy. This could of course leave Joe on his own, which could work if the song is decent and he promoted the hell out of it. But it would HAVE to be decent. As opposed to a Josh Dubovie moment.

SUGABABES (New version)

For them: Not only are they well-known across the continent but one of their number, Jade Ewen, has been on the Eurovision stage before and hence knows exactly what she is doing. And like Blue, they haven’t done a whole lot lately except pose nicely for tabloid newspapers wearing tight things, so they could potentially benefit from the renewed interest. Plus of course Russia’s answer to the Sugababes did rather well in 2007 with one of the best entries of the past decade. It could work!

Against them: Heidi is currently tied up with Dancing On Ice (well at least until tomorrow, although she could be there for weeks yet!) which could mean she doesn’t have the time to devote to getting a song together. And does Jade really want to do it again? We’re not sure.

THE ORIGINAL SUGABABES

For them: This is an interesting rumour based around the fact that the original Sugababes line-up (Mutya, Keisha and Siobhan) are getting back together and working on new material with Emeli Sande, possibly one of the coolest girl singers on the planet right now. Could that new material include something for Eurovision? If it did it would doubtless be worth hearing.

Against them: Well, they can’t be the Sugababes if we already have a Sugababes, hence they would probably end up not being called the Sugababes and all the Sugababes fans in Europe expecting the Sugababes would complain about the lack of Sugababes on offer. Disaster ensues.

HURTS

For them: The duo dubbed ‘the new Tears For Fears’ by at least two people have previously expressed an interest in representing the UK, and they are certainly cool and fabby enough to do us justice. And given their fanbase it could give the contest a whole new credibility in the UK.

Against them: Or all their fans could turn against them for doing Eurovision thus ruining their careers. Oh what the heck. We would enjoy it. Although we’re not sure how famous they are in the rest of Europe – in terms of having the ‘instant recognition’ factor that Blue had. A lot of promotion would clearly be needed.

JOHNNY ROBINSON

For him: Well he can sing.

Against him: Much as we loved Johnny on The X Factor – especially that week he did The Darkness – we cannot think of any just reason why this job should be his. Not only is he a virtual unknown but this veers dangerously close to the sort of territory that the UK should really be trying to avoid now we have clawed back a shred of Eurovision credibility. You just know he would be given some cheesy camp pop nonsense to sing which would do nothing for our chances and certainly nothing for him (since we know he can belt those ballads out really well), thus undoing all the good work that was done last year. So if this really does happen we will – oh bang our fist on the table and shout ‘no!’ or something.

McFLY

For them: Enjoying renewed popularity thanks to Dougie Poynter’s I’m A Celeb victory and Harry Judd’s Strictly Come Dancing triumph, everybody seems to love them at the moment. And like Blue, we know they would do a good job.

Against them: Well they’re on tour in the UK till April so would they really have the time to devote to the Eurovision cause? Oh what the heck. We can’t think of anything against them, really (Editor has brief recollection of Harry Judd dancing Argentine Tango and swoons)

ADELE

For her: To quote one of her songs, ‘rumour has it’ that Adele entered the running after a Turkish website ran a story which mentioned both Eurovision and Adele. Thus someone on Twitter put two and two together and decided Adele must be representing us, right? Obviously it would be amazing. But we don’t speak a word of Turkish and even WE can tell you that’s not what the article said.

Against her: There would be nothing against her. Apart from the fact she ain’t doing it.

La la la la la la la, la la la la la la la….etc

Now here’s a country who we had all but given up on in terms of producing a decent Eurovision entry. But just as we had started to cry, ‘Where is Anna Vissi when you need her!?’ Cyprus have come up trumps with what could be the first genuine contender of the season. La La Love, which is performed by Ivi Adamou (who came somewhere or other on Greek X Factor) is a throwaway, faintly trashy pop tune but nonetheless is big and mainstream and has a sense of ‘well guess what you’ll be wiggling to on European dancefloors this summer’. We’ll be honest, it could go either way. This could, potentially, be another Boom Boom or Haba Haba or other doubly-worded effort, which could be all fabulous and promising and then crash shockingly out in the semi-final (and given the fact that Ivi seemed to be miming in the Cypriot national final, we do worry she may fall victim to ‘mewing like a frightened rabbit on the night’ syndrome) On the other hand, it could also be the first genuine contender of the season. Either way, we defy you NOT to get up and shake a leg or a finger or something….

 

Permission to yawn?

Oh Denmark, we’re disappointed. After the double whammy of 2010 and 2011 we had high hopes for another cracking tune from you for Baku. And OK, so there’s nothing actually wrong with the song you’ve chosen, it’s perfectly decent and pleasant. It’s just that a) there were better songs in the final (There were. Seriously. We watched it. We know) and secondly, it’s just not very, well, exciting. And choosing a winsome but slightly quirky singer with a mid-tempo guitar-friendly pop tune suggests just one thing to us – that you have learned nothing from the failure of Anna Bergendahl. In short, we think you Should’ve Known Better. You see what we did there?

Getting ahead of the game….again

So here we are in 2012. Another year in which Eurovision has yet to happen, and here we stand teetering on the brink of another national finals season. With a contest which will be late in more ways than one, falling as it does right at the end of May, and – for the people in Baku at least – in the middle of the night. And once again the Swiss and the Albanians have beaten everybody to the touch by having chosen their songs already.

This year Switzerland, fresh from the sweet smell of – well, reaching the final for the first time in yonks, even if they did finish last in the entire world – were first out of the gate, playing host to a final which included a song from the contest’s first ever winner, Lys Assia. Sadly for the 87-year-old a return to the Eurovision stage was not to be, as her song C’etait Ma Vie was ultimately beaten by a pair of young whippersnappers called Sinplus and a track called Unbreakable. Which isn’t bad at all in a sort of ‘this doesn’t have a cat’s chance in hell of winning but we quite like it anyway’ sort of a way, but is it just us or does this sound a teeny weeny bit like The Killers’ Mr Brightside? Judge for yourselves, people:

Onwards to Albania, and in a Festival i Kenges full of songs which can only be described as ‘better’ (and included 2007’s representative Frederick Ndoci, he of the memorable pudding bowl haircut) this little number, Suus by Rona Nishliu ultimately triumphed. Now, since our Albanian’s a bit rusty and we found ourselves faced with a long list of song titles which made no sense to us whatsoever, we took the liberty of putting them all through an English-Albanian translator online and discovered what most of them meant. Except that is for this one, which translates as, er, ‘Suus’. We’re guessing it’s not a heartfelt ballad about the author of the Cat In The Hat, but if anyone can enlighten us further then do please get in touch.

As for the song itself….well let’s be honest it’s a bit of a messy effort which is around 47 minutes long (or at least feels like it is) and is backed by some slightly worrying screeching from the winsome Ms Nishliu. That said, we’re not going to file it under ‘no-hoper’ just yet given that the Albanians always do a clean-up job on their song and it always ends up sounding comparatively different by the time the contest rolls around. There is a kernel of a decent tune in there and potentially this could be OK in a Slovenia 2011 sort of way but they’re going to have to do some serious work on it to get it up to scratch. And somebody PLEASE buy the woman a hairbrush:

Coming soon: Denmark, Belarus and Malta. Which contrary to popular rumour is not being represented by Russell Grant. If it were we might find ourselves having to watch THIS in Baku (we know, we know, this clip has nothing to do with Eurovision. But it is damned funny):