Poor old San Marino. Not only do they have to contend with being the smallest country on the Eurovision stage (and all the endless jokes about finding it on the map underneath a biscuit crumb), but they’ve yet to actually reach the final – and this year even their passage to the semi-final is proving to be a rocky one. Having announced late last week that San Marinese singer Valentina Monetta would sing the Ralph Siegel penned number Facebook Uh Oh Oh (can’t imagine for one moment what it’s about), they have since been told that the lyrics of the song contravene rule 1.2.2.g of the contest. Whatever that is. Well actually it has something to do with the fact that mentioning Facebook in the song is tantamount to advertising.
So what to do? Well they could change the words of the song, but since it’s basically about Facebook and features the word Facebook approximately 48,000 times (together with the occasional not-so-subtle mention of Mark Zuckerberg) we have no idea how they would go about it. In other words, it looks as if they’ll have to scrap the ditty and come up with a new song instead. But that said, given just how utterly ridiculous said ditty is, are we sure they didn’t just make this rule up in order to allow them to find something better? Seriously San Marino, we know you’re the size of the editor’s thumbnail but is this REALLY the best you could do….?
With the exception of whatever happens to be replacing Belarus’ Born in Belorussia, which is being ditched after revelations that it had been previously performed (and we can’t decide if this is horrendous news or actually saving us from a fate worse than, er, having to watch it on the night), all the songs for Dusseldorf 2011 are now present and correct. And so let us kick off the final batch with this effort – entitled Get You – from Russia’s Alex Sparrow:
Now we’re still scratching our heads over the authentic, er, Russianness of the name Alex Sparrow, because quite frankly with a moniker like that he sounds more like he comes from Middlesborough than Moscow. (his real name is actually Alexey Vorobyov, it seems). The song is the usual slickly produced affair we’ve come to expect from Russia yet just seems yawningly ordinary to us. Sigh. It’ll make the final anyway because they are Russia and, like Turkey, could make the final with an orchestra of goats playing the national anthem on upturned saucepans. But enough, onwards we trot to Azerbaijan – and as much as Alex doesn’t sound very Russian, their song, Running Scared by Ell and Nikki, doesn’t sound very, er, Azerbaijani. In fact it reminds us a bit of Keane. Which is pleasant enough but suddenly the mighty heights of Always seem a very long way away….
Meanwhile, it’s time to welcome another returning nation, San Marino, to the contest, after they made an auspicious debut in 2008 with Complice, failed to register more than a tiny blip on the semi-final scoreboard and then promptly ducked out again for two years. But nonetheless we love ’em because they actually gave the UK some points in 2008. You remember 2008, that was the year Russia sent its answer to Justin Timberlake, we sent that bin man off of The X Factor and everybody wondered why we came last? Don’t get us started. And no this isn’t relevant. We just can’t think of anything else to say about this San Marinese entry. Except it is by Senit and it’s called Stand By:
And last – but by no means least – is the Swedish entry. Now here’s a song which is going to enthrall and infuriate people in equal measures. Enthrall because it’s insanely catchy, ridiculous, over the top and possibly the campest Eurovision effort we have heard for some time. Infuriate because – well, see above really. Still, whatever you may think of Eric Saade’s Popular, however much you try to ignore the fact it’s essentially a nursery rhyme with twiddly 80s-esque electronic bits in the background – we defy you to find any other song this year which will stick in your head like this one after just one listen. The only problem being that it then STAYS THERE. And won’t leave. Help us. We will admit, however, that we’re finding this song irresistible – and suspect it will get rather a lot of points on the big night. Let’s just hope Eric has found his other glove by then…..
And that, as they say, is that. Looks like we got ourselves a competition…….
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